I began the last blog talking about how exciting and interesting February was, and I need to reiterate that sentiment for April.  When I last blogged, I was upset out about a job offer that was rescinded.  Maybe that was meant to be, but I was still feeling bummed.  Rest of March was pretty uneventful, other than me turning 47 (3 away from 50, Yikes!).  In beginning of April our family went on a great vacation to Puerto Rico.  We hung out in the private pool of our rental beach house, went exploring along the beach collecting shells, hiked the El Yunke rain forest, and spent a day at the most amazing beach on Culebra Island, I will try to post some photos to show you.

Today I am feeling enveloped by the lushness of spring as I look out the window of my home office.  In less than 2 months, the all the trees and plants have sprouted new leaves; forsythia have already bloomed and faded, and the cherry blossoms are at their glorious peak.  The grey of winter has given way to the vibrant colors of spring, and I am feeling intoxicated by the signs of life.  Although spring comes every year, I am still awed by the beauty and the majesty of the change of seasons.

This is also the most amazing time to run. As the trees that line the running paths fill out with leaves, the road noise coming from the distance is more muted and often replaced with the chirping of birds.  These trees provide welcome shelter from the warm sun and April showers.  Theresa and I are still running regularly, although it is much more challenging for her with her work schedule.  We’ve decided to sign up to run 9 races, and volunteer in one  race with the NY Road Runners this year, which would guarantee us a spot at the 2010 NYC Marathon.  This is keeping us fit, but busy.

In mid-April, I resumed my job search in earnest.  This time, I was really struggling with trying to discern what I should be doing with next phase of my career.  Should I begin that non-profit organization that I have been thinking about for a while?  Should I seek a radical change to a career where I would feel like I am making some difference in the world, other than making more money for the “man”?  What is the Will of God?  I know there are many people praying for me, and I feel like the answer should be more apparent to me.  But it was not. 

Then, around the middle of April, I came across a job posting at Consumer Reports.  You know the magazine that the non-profit consumer advocacy group called Consumer Union prints?  They are looking for someone to lead their efforts to develop products and services for mobile phones.  Consumers Union is a 73 year old, non-profit organization whose primary function is consumer advocacy.  Consumer Reports (magazine) and ConsumerReports.org (web site) are subscription based content which reviews products for consumers.  It is also 6 minutes from my house, which is just the icing on the cake.

I submitted a resume via their web site, then, remembered that one of my daughter’s friend’s dad worked at Consumers Union.  So I e-mailed him and asked if he would consider helping my resume get above the “noise” of all the resumes that must be coming in to Consumers Union.  He responded immediately and said that he forwarded my resume to the HR person with his comment that he knew me from the neighborhood.  I was very appreciative and touched that he was so helpful to me.  Shortly after that an interview was set up for April 27, which means I had 10 days to prepare for my interview. 

Although I did a lot of research and preparation for this interview, I also took the time to run so that I can relax, meditate and pray about this job.  From what I found out from the neighbor who works at CU, they have great work-life balance and they treat their employees well.  The fact that this is an advocacy organization made it very compelling for me.   I soon decided that this was the job that I really wanted, which made me feel more excited about this opportunity, which added to my stress level. 

About a week before the interview, I went for a run in the light rain.  It was a cool day but it felt so good that I decided to do a 10 mile run.  Afterwards, rather than jumping in the hot shower immediately, I ended up doing a bunch of other stuff, letting my body get cold and susceptible to illness.  A big mistake.  Next day my throat felt a little sore, but I wondered if it could have been from my allergies.  By the following day though, I knew I was getting sick.  I was sick for all of the 5 days leading up to the interview date.  All this time I’m wondering if I’ll be well enough to be able to keep myself from a coughing fit during my job interview…very stressful.  Although it was touch-and-go right up to the weekend, I was reluctant to postpone my interview because I did not want to start off on the wrong foot. 

By Friday afternoon, I was committed and I had no choice but to pray for a quick healing. This did not happen.  By Sunday evening, I was still plagued with sudden coughing fits, and I had not slept well in 3 nights, and my interview was scheduled for Monday morning at 9:30am.  I was not only stressed, but angry.  Why would God set me up with a job that I really wanted, only to let me catch a cold?  When I need to be at my best, why would God make me go through this stressed out and sleep-deprived?  Just great.

On Sunday, as I was reading a book called “You Were Made for More” (a gift from my friends Sunny and Brian) by the Rev. Jim Cymbala, who is the Pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle, I was reminded that God is not responsible for these adversities.  I realized that my perspective was skewed. In reality, despite things that go wrong in my life, God has been there to help me through these difficult times.  That night I prayed that God help me once again through this difficult challenge I am now facing.  Help me to get through the interview without coughing up my lungs.  Help me to do my best to present my case to the people with whom I will be interviewing tomorrow.  Take away the stress I feel and give me peace.

I went to the interview and explained on the onset that although I am at the tail end of a cold (not contagious), I am still suffering from occasional coughing, so please excuse the excessive amount of water I may be drinking, or the cough drops I may have to suck on.  With that I was able to get this issue out of the way.  Miraculously, I was able to go through 3 interviews within 2 ½ hours without any coughing fits, and I thought I did pretty well.  When I was saying my good bye to the VP to whom I would be reporting, he said it was a real pleasure to meet me and that I should be invited back for the second round of interviews.  I was ecstatic.  Then, I went home and coughed up my left lung!

For the past 8 days, I have been waiting for a feedback (call back for 2^nd interviews) from the HR person.  Apparently the VP has been on jury duty during the previous week, delaying things.  I have been sitting on pins and needles during this whole time because I was so convinced that this was the perfect job for me.  Director of Mobile Products and Services for Consumers Union!  Apparently they practice what they preach, so the working environment is excellent.  They believe in offices, and not cubicles.  They are advocates of good work-life balance, and they sell off all the products they test at good discount.  I was definitely able to see myself being with this company for many years, involved in emerging technology, while doing the work for a higher cause. 

I finally got the feedback from the HR person this morning.  She said that everyone really enjoyed meeting me and that I am the kind of person they would want to work with.  But, they decided to move forward with another candidate who has more experience in packaging and delivering mobile products.  

Disappointed would be one word, but I think heart-broken would be a more appropriate word to capture my sentiment when I heard the feedback.  I sat dumb-founded for a long time, feeling numb.  I was starting to really believe that this was the job that God has chosen for me.  I even experienced a minor miracle of “coughlessness” during the interview.  Didn’t that come from God?  Wasn’t I destined to get this job?  I have God was on my side... what could go wrong?  Apparently another candidate.  I have not felt so…sad, disappointed, hurt, depressed and demoralized in a long time. 

I have no words of wisdom at this point, and I think it will take a while for me to go through and process this experience, and I sure hope that there is a silver lining here somewhere.  I thought about crawling into bed and staying there for the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself, but I decided to go for a run instead.  It may be a long run.

Love,

HJ, the Spiritual Runner